30/09/07

The 30th of every month has always been a symbolic day of our lives. But instead of celebrating our 26th, we are now here, at our 1st month of our break up.

The past month, reflected by the songs below, has been difficult, but the 1 month period has passed, and life will move on, beginning now.

I'm not so good with words
And since you never notice
The way that we belong
I'll say it in these love songs
(Obvious, Westlife)

Once upon a time we fell in love 
And I thought that I would be the only one 
But now I'm on, on my own again 
Thinking you will never show 
You won't be home again
(Long Night, The Corrs)

Now your pictures that you left behind
Are just memories of a different life
Some that made us laugh
Some that made us cry
One that made you have to say good bye.
Now I can't sing a love song
Like the way it's ment to be
Well I guess I'm not that good anymore
But baby that's just me
(Always, Bon Jovi)

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
They lie on the floor 
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do
When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it ok
I miss you
(When You're Gone, Avril Lavigne)

I miss you
Miss you so bad
I don't forget you
Oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
(Slipped Away, Avril Lavigne)

I tried to go on like I never knew you 
I’m awake but my world is half asleep 
I pray for this heart to be unbroken 
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete
(Incomplete, Backstreet Boys) 

Cant believe its over 
That you're leaving 
Weren't we meant to be? 
Should've sensed the danger 
Read the warnings 
Right there in front of me 
I forgot to be there 
I was selfish 
I can see that now I should've got to known you 
Should've held you 
When your tears fell down
Maybe tomorrow you'll say that you're mine 
You'll realize, 
I could change 
I'm gonna show you I'm in it for life 
I'll get you back someday 
Maybe tomorrow
(Maybe Tomorrow, Westlife)

I'll always look back
As I walk away
This memory will last, for eternity
And all of our tears
Will be lost in the rain
(Queen Of My Heart, Westlife)

I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be with you is having the best day of my life
(Thank you, Dido)

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender 
There will be no white flag above my door 
I'm in love and always will be.. even its without you
(White Flag, Dido)

Lil Taiwan

Where is the best place to go, if you wanna bring 12 people, and have the waitresses rearrange the whole floor so that you and your mates can enjoy a nice meal while surfing the net?

Where do you wanna go, if you have a kinky hot chick with you, and wanna make out like there's no tomorrow in public?

Answer :

Little Taiwan!

This picture was taken with my not-so-good camera phone

I went to church yesterday! Haha, how religious can that be. (I'm not a Christian btw)
Anyway, it was for our stupid moral assignment, and the over-sensitive priest did not allow us to take any shots of the place unless we have an official letter.
But luckily Yixuan's sometimes complicated mind was quicker than that lame priest, and she took a few illegal shots. Lol

Drove to Klang for Bak Kut Teh. The dry one was a first for me, and it was really good, but pity a few people don't really know how to appreciate such delicacies. Hehe.

On the way back, we almost cheated death. My small little Atos managed to reach a new milestone : 140km/h with 5 people in the car, and 2 pots of Bak Kut Teh in our tummies, and there was a car who was driving in front of us. He suddenly swerved to the right, because there was a barrier in front of him! Since we were so close to him, the barrier came as total shock, and I turned the steering 180 degrees in double quick time. Thank god there were no cars by our side at that time. We were 0.01mm from crashing into those barriers, and the sight and sound of 4 girls screaming at the top of their lungs was priceless.

The wet one

The dry one

The young ones

The older, wiser generation. Lol

Went back to SS15 to light up the night!

Some argue this picture inspires more than the Mona Lisa.
Look at Kien Giap. Just look at him. Lol

We lighted the whole spiral thingy

Tony and Rain, looking so sweet

Kelvin, was as excited as ever

From the top

This surreal moment lasted for a few seconds only, when all
the candles were lighted

Group pic

We sometimes wonder whether Kien Giap was actually there or not
since he was partially invisible most of the time. Lol

Another group pic

Superbly taken by Yixuan's Casio digital camera

In the end, we got bored and decided to burn the whole place up. Hahahahaha

Mangsa-mangsa kebakaran

Cauldron of fire

We have not confirmed whether these people survived

This girl was brave enough to walk in the midst of flames

Inferno at SS15

The most unfortunate couple

Kien Giap made a special card for Mun Teng

See how sweet they are?

They even had a kid in 5 minutes. Hahaha

When it was finally lighted up

Picture of the day!

Jumpstart

The two craziest girls on the planet.

Slept for a total of 12 hours in the last 3 days, muka macam zombie now. Oh and guess what? WWF don't love me no more. She gave me 7 out 8 for today's tutorial.. Hahahahahahahaha. I guess I've really pushed my luck with her. Heartbroken now. Lol.

Was supposed to do discussion for marketing at the library's discussion room, but ended up listening to emo songs, facebook-ing each other, then laughing like mad cows. Haha.

Jumpstart is a new word I learned today. Hoho. Luckily Yixuan was there to bail me out. Must learn to switch off my car lights next time!

Putting Life Into Perspective

The last one month, if words could describe it, is like being on a Genting's new Flying Coaster. But like all roller-coasters, it eventually lands back firmly on the ground.

Assignments came together at the same time, all of them, including Moral, and the due dates aren't that far apart either. Marketing Oral Presentation too, began this month. Personally, I think I didn't write too well for my MCB assignment. Hadn't been this stressed since...well form 6. Haha.

Funny how it seems that, it is only during adversity, during the times when you needed someone the most, you began to ponder on the decisions that you made. You began to ask yourself, Did I do the right thing? If time can be turned, would the same decision be chosen again? Two decisions were made, concerning two different people.

The first person, after 2 years, it has come to my realization that there were, on occasions more than once, I was being selfish. And by doing so, I was holding back her life. Complacency crept in, things were taken for granted, and many underlying problems surfaced. In hindsight, the decision was, after this short period of time, a good one.

As for the second person, at the lowest point of my life, you were always there for me, and I appreciated that. However, it became more and more apparent, that as time goes on, I have yet to fully recover from the hangover of my break-up. That fault is mine, and only mine alone. And so in many ways, you made the right choice.

It may sound as a consolation, but yet if it is being looked at in a different perspective, rather than holding them back, these decisions, have allowed these 2 people, to live fuller, and happier lives.

"If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were"

=)

Album Review - Norah Jones : Not Too Late

Not Too Late, Norah Jones' third album, combined a brilliant taste of jazz and country music which her personified her first and second albums respectively. Darker and slower, Norah once again demonstrates her unique brand of music.

Thinking About You, her first single, is a reminiscence of her best ever hit, Don't Know Why. Great song to listen.

My Dear Country is freaky, scary and reflective at the same time. Best to listen at 4am alone in the dark.

Best moments to listen : Alone at night, while doing assignments, traveling long distance, making love, Starbucks

Worst moments to listen : Clubbing, at dinner with friends, at the beach in the morning

I used to think that girls make the best listeners.

But Aaron, you did pretty well yourself!

(Aaron is a guy, btw. Hahahahaha)

Thanks man.

Way Back Into Love (Hugh Grant & Drew Barrymore)

I've been living with a shadow overhead,
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed,
I've been lonely for so long,
Trapped in the past,
I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away,
Just in case I ever need them again someday,
I've been setting aside time,
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love.
I can't make it through without a way back into love.

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine,
I've been searching but i just don't see the signs,
I know that it's out there,
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light,
Not somebody just to get me through the night,
I could use some direction,
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love.
I can't make it through without a way back into love.
And if I open my heart again,
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love,
I can't make it through without a way back into love,
And if I open my heart to you,
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do,
And if you help me to start again,
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

Library

At 12pm, I was spinning around in my chair, ideas just not flowing to my head. So, decided to go to the library.

While I was driving (almost reaching already actually) I suddenly realised that I had forgotten to bring my Taylor's ID. (you need the ID to enter the library.

So I called Kien Giap, and he said I can obtain a temporary card at the office. So I happily went to the office, and this was roughly the conversation between me and that lady.

Me : Hi, erm, I forgotten to bring my ID.

Lady : 50 bucks

Me : Huh? (WTF?)
I forgotten to bring my ID and I wanna go to the library..hehe (fake innocent smile)

Lady : Hoho. Who asked you to forget? ID's are very important you know?

Me : Erm..erm..but my friend said I can get a temporary card from you..(more fake innocent smiles)

Lady : Can, but must pay 50 bucks (evil grin)

Me : Alah, but I don't 50 bucks now... (sad pitiful face)

Lady : Hmmm.. what's your ID no.?

Me : ******************

Lady : Lets see.. oooh! Since you're so handsome, I'll give you discount. 25 bucks. (Horny smile)

Me : But..but.. I only have 20 bucks! (Lying)

Lady : Hehehe so I'll charge to your tuition fee account ok?

Me : Hahahaha OK!


End of story

Library was noisy and filled with people rushing to do their assignments. Hahahahahaha

Why?

Why MrBak?

Why did you say you needed more time?
Are you fooling yourself?
Are you merely buying time?
Why are you so afraid to act?
Why are you holding back?
You know the opportunity is there
You know you have a certain advantage
You know you have her solution
Are you afraid you might not live up to her expectations?
You know you're not perfect but you know what you have to offer, don't you?

So Why MrBak?

Why are you so afraid of commitment?
Or are you just lazy?
Lack of self-confidence? Bullshit.
Assignments? Even more bullshit.
Are you still willowing in self-pity?
Are those fresh memories in your mind about the past still haunting you?
You know you can't afford to do that any longer
I thought you said you were moving on by now?
Why let the past inhibit you?

So what now MrBak?

Wanting to act on the spur of competition?
Oh wait a minute. You FEAR competition, don't you?
Look at Louis. Adrian.
Did you dare to stand up and put up a fight for the girl you love? NO.
All you did was keep coming up with lame excuses that the competition was unfair
Who says life is fair?

You've put yourself in contention without really doing anything.
And you know what you can do.
What are you waiting for MrBak?
Ask yourself

And answer them.

Trajet

After days of delay, my dad finally got his new car! The Hyundai Trajet! The exterior is longer than the previous car, Toyota Unser, but the interior is cool! Lots of compartments to put lots of stuff, plus a DVD player!

Taken from my room window

Watching DVD in the car. Hehe

First day drive was ruined by the jam

It even comes with free hamper!

Well, what would you do if you had precisely RM 938?
Get an iPod for your son? No.
Get a brand new Sony Ericsson Walkman phone for your son? No.
Pay your son's petrol for the next 3 months? No.
Take your family on a holiday? No.

Instead...

MedKlinn's Air Sterilizer!

Oh well..

I guess in the light of what had happened today, I have to make myself really clear.

Carrie, although I expected you to locate my blog sooner or later, I didn't expect it to be this soon. What I mentioned in the previous post (which was already deleted) was an exaggeration at the very worst. For the benefit of you, him and everyone else. Let me clarify matters.

It was a figure of speech, to summarise what had happened because I did not want to reveal details. When I said 6 months of hell, it meant because during that period we quarreled a lot and we weren't happy because of you-know-who. After that, our relationship had improved, I admit that. I did not meant to hurt you, or anybody, and if I did, I'm sorry. It was never my intention.

To others, we seem to portray ourselves as a sweet-loving-couple, which as a matter of fact, we were. We shared so many things together, and we complemented each other. You were my angel. We were almost perfect. Sure, we each have our own weaknesses, but who doesn't? You think I could let go that easily what we had together? You think I'm as heartless as that? All this while, I was hoping we could at least be friends.

The Carrie I know, has a pure heart, kind, loving and caring who never fails to love me with all her heart, and you were my first real love. It saddens me, that we are where we are now, hostile. I do not hate you, nor do I hate him, although I think he's quite immature after what he did today. I only have the best to think of you, and I pray that you're happy and safe everyday. Do you know that?

I really hope we can move on with our lives. And for that to happen, I need your blessing. I feel really uncomfortable with the situation we are in now. Why can't we just put our misunderstandings behind us and move on? If fate has put us at the end of our love relationship, why can't we continue caring in the capacity of a friend?

To Adrian

I guess this post can last a month

I did not intend to put Carrie down, or to insult her, or to put the blame on her.

All I meant was to say that I'm moving on. OK?

If I hurt anyone, I'm sorry.

Honk if You're HORNY!!

This is gonna be the longest post in the world. Haha. At least from me.

Let's start with today. No matter how many new roads are opened to ease traffic congestion, no matter how many traffic lights are built to prevent chaos at junctions, we Malaysians never fail to make a whole mess out of it and cause massive traffic jams. Yeah.. So people, if you feel like contributing to a monster 3 hour jam, please throw in your vehicle at the Bandar Tasik Selatan junction at around 6-8pm weekdays ya?


Ratatouille, is a great movie to watch. Among all Disney's animations, this would rank among the best. Great humour combined with a really meaningful plot. Or maybe I'm just saying this cuz of the company of the person I was with. Hehe. But seriously, a must watch.

Lots of people have been asking why have I been smiling a lot lately. Well, let's just say my life has just taken a turn for the better. Much better. If my life was charted on a graph, then the last 2 years would be in a U shape.

The shit started when, after my SPM, I got a place to study in a university in Australia. My parents, thinking that I wouldn't manage to get a place in the first place, finally told me that they couldn't afford it. The best thing is, I had no other option than to do Form 6. Form 6 wasn't even in my list of choices. I never had the intention to go back to school.

Form 6, to be honest, was like shitting in hell. Imagine having a stomach ache, desperately needing to poo, and finally poo-ing in a toilet in hell, with fire beneath your feet and maggots surrounding you, with a thousand people watching you poo. Yeah. I was so upset with that decision that I even contemplated skipping school.

What's worse, expectations on me were sky high and the spotlight is on me. Now, I'm a person who can only do well without pressure. What's even worse is, my relationship with Carrie became the most controversial thing ever to happen in St John's Institution. Picture this, having teachers who act as your parent wannabe and paparazzi at the same time. My time in Form 6 really left a bad taste with the school, which at full flow, is still one of the best schools in Malaysia.

In contrast, I'm having the absolute time of my life at Taylor's. The freedom to express myself through education, in the course of my choice, the great lecturers, plus my results have been good so far, and the best thing is, I'm surrounded by wonderful friends. Life cannot get any sweeter than this.

What about Carrie? Weren't you upset about your break-up?

I hear you readers.

But what's personal will remain personal and shall not be mentioned here.

A considerable amount of my self-confidence and energy has been drained away. And it would take some time to regain my composure.

Which is why, if you are reading this now, I guess my answer would be, I just need a little more time. I could have said yes, but that would be really unfair towards you. I really do like you and if there is ever any doubt, I have never treated you as a replacement for Carrie. You are not her replacement and will never be. I really like you for who you are. Perhaps it is fate that I stumbled upon your blog on that lonely night in July. And to be really honest, there are times I have to pinch myself. Hehe =)

Thigh Massage

This couple was spotted during Moral lecture today. The girl was hugging him all the time and the guy was giving her a full leg massage.

Makes me wish I have a gf right now. Hahaha

Anyway, my face was smiling a lot today, and it has been months since that happened. =)

Happy Day, I think.

Finally got my hands on my precious $$$ after 7 months!

Reached class late due to the stupid jam, but was really really happy with my assignment result. Hehe.

But both Liz and especially Yixuan were hyper today, so had to feed them ice-cream to keep them hush-hush, but nothing changed. Hoho.


On the other hand. When reality sinks in, it really sinks.

I used to have messages waiting for me on my phone everytime after I wake up in the morning, when I'm back from class, when I'm out for lunch, when I'm up from my nap, when I'm done with my dinner.

But that was then.

Guys

Are guys nowadays desperate enough to the extend that they don't realise what they are doing is actually backfiring?

I'm not talking bout myself, btw. Hahahaha

It's not worth wasting your tears for him, he's just making things worse, and we wanna see you happy again! (so that I can continue copying your ADA tutorial. hehe)

Went for lunch with Lene at someplace (I forgot the name..sorrie..lol)
Her food looks yummy, but sadly the same can't be said for mine. Haha. Was in a dilemma again whether to go for lecture or not, but in the end decided go, which was good, since she decided to take attendance today. Lol. Oh ya, her sniper was on target again.

After lecture, went to library to gossip and emo-emo together-gether like there's no tomorrow. :D

Long day

Let your conscience be your guide

This a phrase which I heard many times from a movie a long long time ago when I was still just a little kid. Lol

So, let's hope it comes good now.

Life Goes On

Why do you have to make me hate you?

Anyway, life goes on.

And there's so much more to life than just her.

A big thank you to those who were always there for me, and willingly weathered through the storm with me, although the storm was purely mine. You guys know who you are. Thank you !!.

I guess in times of adversity, those who really care and those who don't are clearly evident to be seen.

It has not been easy after 2 long years, but I'm looking forward to starting a fresh new life... with my newfound riches. Hehehe. Those who are hungry, feel free to call me!

Descending Into Depression

I feel as if I'm going deeper and deeper into a dark endless tunnel, with seemingly no end.

As time moves on, the pill suddenly tastes so bitter. Harder to swallow.


Anyway, today's a long long day. But this post is gonna be without pics cuz :
a) No mood to take
b) Someone deleted the photos. Haha

Day started with Marketing lecture, then Management tutorial. Ms Suzanne somehow never fails to murder me yet again.

After that, went to level 4 to check out our assignment marks. All of us did well. Lol. We even beat all the Australian students in Adelaide by a mile.

Lunch was at Noodle Station with Aaron, Elizabeth, Yixuan, and Sunny.

Supposed to go to 1U after that but tak jadi.

So Yixuan went to wash clothes, and then Aaron and I went for desserts with Jolene and her colourful friends Zon, May, ChayZ, & Theo. Nice place, even nicer cappuccino.

But somehow, unfortunately, (fortunately for me, cuz it woke me up from my sien-ness) there was this guy who was apparently unhappy with the waitress for not serving his oh-so-precious gf juice with the right amount of sugar.

What did mr macho-im the man-bf did next?

He proceeded to take the cup of juice, splash it all over the poor waitress' face, screaming at her, demanding to see the boss. Kudos to the waitress, who stood her ground. But the guy wasn't satisfied. He wanted to take the chair and whack the waitress to death. Luckily, his obviously pissed oh-so-precious gf stopped him from further embarrassment.

The boss eventually came ( i think she's the boss ). But she totally blanked him. Haha. Serves him right. Even his oh-so-precious gf did not even looked at him anymore after that.

So at around 4pm, Aaron and I was was wondering whether to go or to skip Moral lecture. (Moral lecture starts at 4 btw. Lol). Being good students, we all happily decided to go. Fetched Yixuan on the way, and reached lecture at 4.35pm. Haha

After Moral, went to Pyramid for dinner with Yixuan. Wanted to take pics of her playing masak-masak with leftovers but dunno who deleted my pics. Hahaha

Gonna partially skip tomorrow's discussion at 8. Hehe.

What goes around comes around

There's no use in weeping,
Though we are condemned to part
There's such a thing as keeping
A remembrance in one's heart

I guess in a way, I got what I deserve.

What goes around does come around.

Karma

No complaints

She was there. She was my angel.

But when she needed me, I couldn’t be there for her. I just couldn’t.

I wish I could.

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable

All those vows. All those empty promises. All I’ve done is disappointed time and time again.

I was selfish

I wasn’t understanding

The greatest grieves are those we cause ourselves.

But despite all this, it still hurts a lot

Emptiness clouds me like never before.

Memories brings a tear to the eye.

It’s just so so painful.

But maybe pain is what I needed.

To wake me up from my slumber.

To look at things from a different perspective

To not take things for granted anymore

To be a better person

To be stronger

The only cure for grief is action

I guess I couldn’t blame her when another party comes in. We’re all only human after all.

Mistakes were made. Emotional ones.

Mistakes can be forgiven, can’t they?

Forgive many things in others; nothing in yourself

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.